Well, I feel rather pathitic as I wait for sleeping pills to wind my loudly spinning thouhts down to numb sleep of unremebered dreams. I hate that I have a vauge sense of vibrant dreamscapes with corny misconstrued plots, only to awake to a mere taste or smell, a powerful feeling with fastly fleeting storyline or not-so-strange face that my waking brain can't cypher. Bed dreams of a numb mind. New multi-speared enthrallments flood my brain I and rule me until the next dose. But one must sleep and even if near OD happens to be what takes you to the dark dreamless gray, so be it. I try hard to pull it all together to no avail; no wanted recall for me. Because it is time to slave and toil to the music of today's obsessive task/research/thing. Can't focus on the past because I need to figure out today's experiments before I have sleep next time. What day is it anyway? "It's manic monday. It'sssss always manic monday! How many time do we need to go over this?"
I woke up late, not that I am expected anywhere. I watched tv and surffed till 6pm. I get a bite to eat and back to bed for more of the same. I hear tripwire in my periphery from some electronic input. CLICK: today's mission plan has arrived; read it before it selfdestructs! "Tripwire" All tabs clear across the top of my virus-filled search brower. New tabs pop-up, one by one as I methodically scan the ether for links for directions, diagrams, schematics, or the fork that leads me down the next stop towards security. Many tabs popped up like crenalations thwarting my progress. Bing Image, Google search, instructables, and you tube propagandized for my time. Once I got the gist of Tripwires for my applications, one of the sidebar, hey if you enjoyed reading that subject here is something you might find interesting. I don't need an entity in my life psychoanalyzing me,...ohh.
What's a tripwire without an alarm. Needless to say it is 3:30am and I'm winding down from hrs of my search of near every box and drawer in the house locating the necessary components to make squibs. Well off to bed so I can work on my working squib design. Tomorrow, for my drugs have kicked in.
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Friday, February 24, 2012
My Graymatters or My Gray Matters or My gray Matters or my Gr...ohhh, Shiny Red Ball!
I've been missing since 2008, but a recent virus (you ever think Norton is the jerkoff that creates the viruses just so we have to pay them to be the anti?) brought me here while remembering my favs and I opened this dormant blog. Damn, first sentence and already rambled. lol. So anyway, I decided to start posting my thoughts, feelings, fears, and other tuff-guy-stuff like that.
It will take me a little while (if my brain lets myself not quit again) to get used to blogging once again. Hell, I'll have to relearn how to write! Man, last time I posted here I don't even think the texting or Facebook realms had really taken off yet. I'll have to learn blog etiquette anew. I am actually excited to see if anyone on my blogroll is still active. I hope at least a couple so I can say hey and see how they are doing.
I obviously had many happenings, events, and madnesses...and good times since my last post that ended in a terminal last line: bye. Yet I'm not totally neurotic people! ( Although labeling the negative personality trait "neuroticism" was pretty crappy. Looks like they combined neuron + rot = neurotic - "hell, for those inherently cursed people with this characterist, let's throw in an 'ick' at the end of the word for good measure. Because bad things come in 3's you know." Haha. Jokin'. Yea, I know the term was all scientific and whatnot, but I like to think that maybe it was a neurotic Freudian Slip!) Sorry, just a random thought while typing.
Warning: sometimes my asides have asides! If you prefer normal/linear reading, just skip the parentheses and all should hopefully read semi-coherent. I hope I get a few readers (followers sounds so shitty and demeaning - thanks Twitter) again as friends of a kind. The interaction with people with malfunctioning neurotransmitters simular to my cobbled wiring used to help me cope in times of depressive dread and I like to think that possibly I was able to help somebody in their time of need. And if I seem like an arrogant, pompous, pretentious asshole, I am likely typing manic at that particular(NOW)moment.
I am done for the moment, but I have a lot to share at some point, although there is much that I can never truly share for the shame and inner-hate that I endure by my own hands and mind. I changed my blog's title from, My Personal Bipolar Journal, to the simplistic new: Neurons Suck. Because...come-on, they suck. New start; new title. Happy thoughts: my graymatter matters. Or simply: My Gray Matters! Oops, that was goofy thought, not happy thought. Yeah. I get those mixed up. Yea, well... First/recent discombobulated post/ramble/rant over.
Later, Ash ou...ohhh almost forgot. If you look at my profile, don't let the the odd, CDC, creeper zombie chick scare you off. It was from a social experiment blog that I gave up on before it really started. It had no followers (lol) so I would have to say it was closer to antisocial.
Later, Ash out!!
It will take me a little while (if my brain lets myself not quit again) to get used to blogging once again. Hell, I'll have to relearn how to write! Man, last time I posted here I don't even think the texting or Facebook realms had really taken off yet. I'll have to learn blog etiquette anew. I am actually excited to see if anyone on my blogroll is still active. I hope at least a couple so I can say hey and see how they are doing.
I obviously had many happenings, events, and madnesses...and good times since my last post that ended in a terminal last line: bye. Yet I'm not totally neurotic people! ( Although labeling the negative personality trait "neuroticism" was pretty crappy. Looks like they combined neuron + rot = neurotic - "hell, for those inherently cursed people with this characterist, let's throw in an 'ick' at the end of the word for good measure. Because bad things come in 3's you know." Haha. Jokin'. Yea, I know the term was all scientific and whatnot, but I like to think that maybe it was a neurotic Freudian Slip!) Sorry, just a random thought while typing.
Warning: sometimes my asides have asides! If you prefer normal/linear reading, just skip the parentheses and all should hopefully read semi-coherent. I hope I get a few readers (followers sounds so shitty and demeaning - thanks Twitter) again as friends of a kind. The interaction with people with malfunctioning neurotransmitters simular to my cobbled wiring used to help me cope in times of depressive dread and I like to think that possibly I was able to help somebody in their time of need. And if I seem like an arrogant, pompous, pretentious asshole, I am likely typing manic at that particular(NOW)moment.
I am done for the moment, but I have a lot to share at some point, although there is much that I can never truly share for the shame and inner-hate that I endure by my own hands and mind. I changed my blog's title from, My Personal Bipolar Journal, to the simplistic new: Neurons Suck. Because...come-on, they suck. New start; new title. Happy thoughts: my graymatter matters. Or simply: My Gray Matters! Oops, that was goofy thought, not happy thought. Yeah. I get those mixed up. Yea, well... First/recent discombobulated post/ramble/rant over.
Later, Ash ou...ohhh almost forgot. If you look at my profile, don't let the the odd, CDC, creeper zombie chick scare you off. It was from a social experiment blog that I gave up on before it really started. It had no followers (lol) so I would have to say it was closer to antisocial.
Later, Ash out!!
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