I currently have hit 190lbs. That is 26lbs since I started my diet. My belly (did I just say Belly) umm, I mean stomach *deep voice* is still chubby, yet an ab workout isn’t in the shedule at the moment. I am happy though. It’s nice to be able to fit normally in your pants and not be so restricted that you have to shit 5 times a day. LOL.
Later, Ash out…
Thursday, August 23, 2007
POKER
My manic poker obsession has once again gotten the best of me. I figured to spend more time with my family I would play at night while they slept. Seems positive right? Na, I ended up playing all-nighters and sleeping the day away to the detriment of family time. It didn’t even enter my mind until my wife mentioned it. I’m really not observant sometimes. Well anyways, we have come to a compromise wherein I will play for only 2 hrs during the day and keep sleep schedules with the rest of the family. My wife and I think that is a good compromise. I will still occasionally be online at night due to my crazy work schedule, but the majority of the time will now fall on their time frame. I am happy with this as will they.
Friday, August 17, 2007
Belated Comments
Anonymous Mom said...
it's good that you and your wife are able to discuss things.
quit calling her a bitch, you bastard.
i'm glad you two have each other. be open and honest ash! that's the best you can do! everybody screws up, you were quick with the apology and that counts for something. keep pluggin' along...
OUCH…bastard. That cuts deep. I don’t know who my father was. Naaa, just joking. I truly can be sometimes.
August 15, 2007 12:35 PM
katinkab said...
yeah when i was in the hospital, i started smoking again, cuz the mental health workers would call out smoke breaks every two hours. i'd go 2 or 3 times a day. so when i got out of the hospital, i ended up buying a pack. i still only smoke 2 or 3 cigs a day, but i found a 100% all natural tobacco brand that supposedly doesn't contain additives or chemicals. so i guess it is less hazardous than regular gas station cigs, but it is also expensive. i got them at a tobacco shop for $5.50 a pack.
Don’t delude yourself…all smokes are bad. The chemicals are only part of the adverse effects of puffing. You are putting smoke into your lungs which inflames the bronchi, bronchioles, and alveoli. I’m telepathically sending my support so we can both kick the habit.
August 16, 2007 1:59 AM
katinkab said...
p.s. what is your character's name on WoW? which server do you play on? i'm on Alleria.
My man is Dragonal. My server starts with AZ… that is as far as can remember at the moment and I’m currently working so I can’t check. I think I spend too much time doing quests and grinding. Ash-boy is only a few levels above me and he is over the map. Ash-girl keeps starting over in her quest to try out every race in WoW.
August 16, 2007 2:01 AM
onemeanmutha said...
when you feel like your going to burst, walk away.. words hurt. im glad you guys are able to talk it out though. sending good vibes :)
Ya, I know I should but this was instant anger. She was blaming me for something that I didn’t feel accountable for and she turned it to hurtful comments about my parenting skillz and love for my children. That pissed me off right now let me tell you. I might not be the greatest dad in the world but I love my kids more than anything in this world. We made up and both apologized for our transgressions.
August 16, 2007 5:26 AM
katinkab said...
i am totally addicted to wow. i have a hunter char, i can't seem to get her up to lvl 30. she's been at lvl 29 for like a week... grrrrrr... you should totally get the expansion set as well, they're actually coming out with another set sometime soon. anyway, i can't play wow all the time or i will be excessively obsessed. or some bipolar feature. my current meds are 600mg lithium and 300mg lamictal. i think adding the lithium to my cocktail has helped to stabilize me a bit. i'm still restless and agitated though. i've been self-medicating somewhat with cigs. it's such a bad habit.
I am pretty stable at the moment, although poker is starting to consume every waking thought. Football has started so that should calm down my obsessive tendencies.
August 6, 2007 10:19 PM
Butterfly said...
LMBO!
Hey is WoW provides and opp for father-son bonding, then I'm all for it (despite have NO clue as to what it is).
Enjoy.
Playing WoW leads to the darkside! LOL. Stay away because it will consume you to the detriment of your waking life. I have always used RPG’s as an escape from reality, like I used to with drugs and booze in my teenage years. This just happens to be one that is truly a world that you can live in. There isn’t much that you can’t do. It’s not all fighting and questing. But it does start many conversations with my children and that is always welcome.
August 8, 2007 11:34 PM
knicksgrl0917 said...
hey! i'm going to cali this weekend and won't be back until september...here is the website i was talking about where i made extra summer cash. Later! the website is here
SHUT THE HELL UP SPAMMER. My Voodoo doll currently has about 15 needles jammed into your genitals. Is your pee burning? It’s either my hex or you have the clap from some dirty skank that you gave a roofy. Pervert.
July 30, 2007 8:09 AM
katinkab said...
dude how can fat people be a "race"? that is the most ridiculous thing i've heard in a while.
Some people live life and never use their intellect to think about what they don’t understand. Once school is over their brain stagnates because they are unwilling to learn. Phrases and adages are the worst for these people. They say them wrong or out of context, usually because they heard them when they were young and never revisited them later on after they acquired the ability for critical thinking in adolescence. I’m sure I miss-say a few myself.
Funny example: We were playing poker one night and a friend brought his wife along. She won a big hand off of him and jokingly said that he was going to cow-cock her when they got home. She obviously meant cold-cock, but she had always thought it was stated cow-cock. And the jokes ensued. She was actually a good sport about it as we insinuated that she was into “barnyard relations.” He face was a solid red as she blushed the rest of the night. She has played once or twice since so it didn’t really bother her and she knew it was all in good fun.
August 6, 2007 10:10 PM
Butterfly said...
LMBO!! I agree!
How about making an island only for dumb people?
They’d breed themselves back to Cro-Magnon and likely revert to cannibalism.
August 8, 2007 11:35 PM
Thanks for the comments and my belated responses. And may your moods be stable.
Later, Ash out…
it's good that you and your wife are able to discuss things.
quit calling her a bitch, you bastard.
i'm glad you two have each other. be open and honest ash! that's the best you can do! everybody screws up, you were quick with the apology and that counts for something. keep pluggin' along...
OUCH…bastard. That cuts deep. I don’t know who my father was. Naaa, just joking. I truly can be sometimes.
August 15, 2007 12:35 PM
katinkab said...
yeah when i was in the hospital, i started smoking again, cuz the mental health workers would call out smoke breaks every two hours. i'd go 2 or 3 times a day. so when i got out of the hospital, i ended up buying a pack. i still only smoke 2 or 3 cigs a day, but i found a 100% all natural tobacco brand that supposedly doesn't contain additives or chemicals. so i guess it is less hazardous than regular gas station cigs, but it is also expensive. i got them at a tobacco shop for $5.50 a pack.
Don’t delude yourself…all smokes are bad. The chemicals are only part of the adverse effects of puffing. You are putting smoke into your lungs which inflames the bronchi, bronchioles, and alveoli. I’m telepathically sending my support so we can both kick the habit.
August 16, 2007 1:59 AM
katinkab said...
p.s. what is your character's name on WoW? which server do you play on? i'm on Alleria.
My man is Dragonal. My server starts with AZ… that is as far as can remember at the moment and I’m currently working so I can’t check. I think I spend too much time doing quests and grinding. Ash-boy is only a few levels above me and he is over the map. Ash-girl keeps starting over in her quest to try out every race in WoW.
August 16, 2007 2:01 AM
onemeanmutha said...
when you feel like your going to burst, walk away.. words hurt. im glad you guys are able to talk it out though. sending good vibes :)
Ya, I know I should but this was instant anger. She was blaming me for something that I didn’t feel accountable for and she turned it to hurtful comments about my parenting skillz and love for my children. That pissed me off right now let me tell you. I might not be the greatest dad in the world but I love my kids more than anything in this world. We made up and both apologized for our transgressions.
August 16, 2007 5:26 AM
katinkab said...
i am totally addicted to wow. i have a hunter char, i can't seem to get her up to lvl 30. she's been at lvl 29 for like a week... grrrrrr... you should totally get the expansion set as well, they're actually coming out with another set sometime soon. anyway, i can't play wow all the time or i will be excessively obsessed. or some bipolar feature. my current meds are 600mg lithium and 300mg lamictal. i think adding the lithium to my cocktail has helped to stabilize me a bit. i'm still restless and agitated though. i've been self-medicating somewhat with cigs. it's such a bad habit.
I am pretty stable at the moment, although poker is starting to consume every waking thought. Football has started so that should calm down my obsessive tendencies.
August 6, 2007 10:19 PM
Butterfly said...
LMBO!
Hey is WoW provides and opp for father-son bonding, then I'm all for it (despite have NO clue as to what it is).
Enjoy.
Playing WoW leads to the darkside! LOL. Stay away because it will consume you to the detriment of your waking life. I have always used RPG’s as an escape from reality, like I used to with drugs and booze in my teenage years. This just happens to be one that is truly a world that you can live in. There isn’t much that you can’t do. It’s not all fighting and questing. But it does start many conversations with my children and that is always welcome.
August 8, 2007 11:34 PM
knicksgrl0917 said...
hey! i'm going to cali this weekend and won't be back until september...here is the website i was talking about where i made extra summer cash. Later! the website is here
SHUT THE HELL UP SPAMMER. My Voodoo doll currently has about 15 needles jammed into your genitals. Is your pee burning? It’s either my hex or you have the clap from some dirty skank that you gave a roofy. Pervert.
July 30, 2007 8:09 AM
katinkab said...
dude how can fat people be a "race"? that is the most ridiculous thing i've heard in a while.
Some people live life and never use their intellect to think about what they don’t understand. Once school is over their brain stagnates because they are unwilling to learn. Phrases and adages are the worst for these people. They say them wrong or out of context, usually because they heard them when they were young and never revisited them later on after they acquired the ability for critical thinking in adolescence. I’m sure I miss-say a few myself.
Funny example: We were playing poker one night and a friend brought his wife along. She won a big hand off of him and jokingly said that he was going to cow-cock her when they got home. She obviously meant cold-cock, but she had always thought it was stated cow-cock. And the jokes ensued. She was actually a good sport about it as we insinuated that she was into “barnyard relations.” He face was a solid red as she blushed the rest of the night. She has played once or twice since so it didn’t really bother her and she knew it was all in good fun.
August 6, 2007 10:10 PM
Butterfly said...
LMBO!! I agree!
How about making an island only for dumb people?
They’d breed themselves back to Cro-Magnon and likely revert to cannibalism.
August 8, 2007 11:35 PM
Thanks for the comments and my belated responses. And may your moods be stable.
Later, Ash out…
Hidden Posts
My work Internet is retarded. When I bring up my site or your blogs it doesn’t update to your current posts. I have to hit refresh for it to update to your current posts. That is a large reason why I haven’t commented lately. I thought that you all stopped posting as of late. Anyways I now know what’s so I can start reading again. Also I didn’t know that you guys had left comments the last few weeks. It is nice to know that you are still with me.
My T-doc visit was weird. At the end she kind of parted ways with me. ??? I don’t know why. Maybe she thinks I am doing well enough that I don’t need therapy. She said that she would make an appointment for a month and that if I was doing well, to give her a few days notice, and just cancel. I really don’t know what to think. My wife thinks that I wasn’t open enough with her about my thoughts, moods, and feelings. I have made leaps and bounds with my anxiety attacks and ruminating negative thoughts.
I am finally done with my 1st course of my 2nd semester on my psychology studies. I minor in business and some of those courses are hard reading. This last one was Personal finance. Don’t get me wrong, I learned some invaluable things, but damn was it dry. It was all about taxes and loans and stocks and saving and investing for retirement. Shit that is a lot of Ands. I just started the new course. I am pretty excited about it. It is Human Development. Nurture and Nature. It traverses though the lifespan and our internal processes at each stage in life. Apparently we BP’ers all have some chromosome issues. Environment also might play a role in our disorder. It isn’t all heritability. One thing I can say for sure at this point is that Freud had some issues. LOL.
As an aside: we finally let Bandit go. She was getting too big and mischievous. It took us 3 times of dropping her off to finally go through with it. The first 2 times she kept coming back to the car al the while looking pitiful. We hope she can make it. It was a cool experience. Bye Bandit we love you. *Man tears!*
Also a few of you don’t seem to have blogs anymore. I hope you are doing well. If you changed sites, hook a brotha up with the addresses.
Later, Ash out.
My T-doc visit was weird. At the end she kind of parted ways with me. ??? I don’t know why. Maybe she thinks I am doing well enough that I don’t need therapy. She said that she would make an appointment for a month and that if I was doing well, to give her a few days notice, and just cancel. I really don’t know what to think. My wife thinks that I wasn’t open enough with her about my thoughts, moods, and feelings. I have made leaps and bounds with my anxiety attacks and ruminating negative thoughts.
I am finally done with my 1st course of my 2nd semester on my psychology studies. I minor in business and some of those courses are hard reading. This last one was Personal finance. Don’t get me wrong, I learned some invaluable things, but damn was it dry. It was all about taxes and loans and stocks and saving and investing for retirement. Shit that is a lot of Ands. I just started the new course. I am pretty excited about it. It is Human Development. Nurture and Nature. It traverses though the lifespan and our internal processes at each stage in life. Apparently we BP’ers all have some chromosome issues. Environment also might play a role in our disorder. It isn’t all heritability. One thing I can say for sure at this point is that Freud had some issues. LOL.
As an aside: we finally let Bandit go. She was getting too big and mischievous. It took us 3 times of dropping her off to finally go through with it. The first 2 times she kept coming back to the car al the while looking pitiful. We hope she can make it. It was a cool experience. Bye Bandit we love you. *Man tears!*
Also a few of you don’t seem to have blogs anymore. I hope you are doing well. If you changed sites, hook a brotha up with the addresses.
Later, Ash out.
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
What a Bad Boy I Have Been
OK, since my last post I have not been doing too well. I am still pretty manic, especially with poker and WoW. But, the real problem is anger this week. I haven’t been able to get a handle on it. I have been yelling again. I feel the frustration building. Now that I realize it I should be able to counter the issue. Everyone aggravates me currently. The kids’ voices grate on my nerves. Ash-boy has really been irritating me lately. I’m not totally sure if it just my mood or if his teenage antics are the issue. Likely both. But I think the majority is me. I will accept responsibility for my actions. I actually called my wife a bitch today. That is something that I just don’t do. In our 14 years of marriage I can likely count myself calling her that on my fingers. I apologized but I still shouldn’t have done it, especially not in front of my kids. That just goes to show how bad I am and my current mood swing. I WILL control my anger.
Another thing that I have done that I’m not proud of is that I have been smoking lately. It all started early in the year. I would have a few squares while at poker parties while drinking. I then wouldn’t have another until the next game, which would be anywhere from two weeks to a month later. I figured that that wasn’t too bad. I didn’t hide this fact from my wife. Sadly this planted the seed in my addictive personality as well as giving my wife vindictive thoughts. You see we both quit 8 years ago. I was smoking 3 packs a day at that time. Well when we split-up for that week months ago she started smoking with the excuse of stress and the fact that I was puffing on occasion. I was pissed but I let her quit on her own. It took her a few months but she did it. During this same time I occasionally would bum one at work. Well it got the point that I was bumming a lot of smokes. Then I finally took the big plunge 2 weeks ago and bought a pack so I wouldn’t be a bumming punk. Then starting 2 weeks with that pack I lasted 3 of my 4 days working with that 1 pack. I then bought another and smoked my last day working and started sneaking 1 to 3 sigs a day on my 4 days off. Last 4 days at work I started smoking a pack a day. That whole 2 weeks as well as the occasional bummed smoke I was hiding from my wife. Like a teenage punk. Well after my last night she smelled it on me. We got into a big argument and talked for an hr or more. I quit that night and have been good for 4 days now. We both hid the smoking from our kids. We have been adamant with them on the detrimental effects of smoking and if they ever knew, we would be total hypocrites in their eyes and they might one day try them. So I will quit if for no other reason than for my kids.
BTW, that is not me;)
Later, Ash out…
Another thing that I have done that I’m not proud of is that I have been smoking lately. It all started early in the year. I would have a few squares while at poker parties while drinking. I then wouldn’t have another until the next game, which would be anywhere from two weeks to a month later. I figured that that wasn’t too bad. I didn’t hide this fact from my wife. Sadly this planted the seed in my addictive personality as well as giving my wife vindictive thoughts. You see we both quit 8 years ago. I was smoking 3 packs a day at that time. Well when we split-up for that week months ago she started smoking with the excuse of stress and the fact that I was puffing on occasion. I was pissed but I let her quit on her own. It took her a few months but she did it. During this same time I occasionally would bum one at work. Well it got the point that I was bumming a lot of smokes. Then I finally took the big plunge 2 weeks ago and bought a pack so I wouldn’t be a bumming punk. Then starting 2 weeks with that pack I lasted 3 of my 4 days working with that 1 pack. I then bought another and smoked my last day working and started sneaking 1 to 3 sigs a day on my 4 days off. Last 4 days at work I started smoking a pack a day. That whole 2 weeks as well as the occasional bummed smoke I was hiding from my wife. Like a teenage punk. Well after my last night she smelled it on me. We got into a big argument and talked for an hr or more. I quit that night and have been good for 4 days now. We both hid the smoking from our kids. We have been adamant with them on the detrimental effects of smoking and if they ever knew, we would be total hypocrites in their eyes and they might one day try them. So I will quit if for no other reason than for my kids.
BTW, that is not me;)
Later, Ash out…
Monday, August 6, 2007
Personal and Medical Updates
Hey all. I still think I am regulated pretty well. I am stable for the first time in years. I have only had one really bad day as of late… OK, maybe two. On that day I was extremely irritable. Sound in general hurt my very being. Voices put me on edge. I screamed at the kids for the slightest perceived transgression. I couldn’t remove myself from the presence of the world. I was on a 6 hr road trip. But all in all I am doing well.
On the medical front my wife is recuperating finally. At least she finally has diagnoses after a year of torment. She had some medical and psychological issues. I’m pretty sure that I have written about her work related injury in the past here, yet I am too lazy to go back and check. Quick background She had a 20lbs box fall on her head at work. She started having tremors some after the accident. She lately went in and got some pain shots in her neck. Once they took affect they took her off the meds that she was on for the prior year. The tremors soon after stopped. One of the size effects of one of her meds was tremors. She was also diagnosed with posttraumatic stress and clinical depression. After a year with no relief or closure, who would be depressed? And just the other day we got the results back from a test that they preformed. They put some kind of dye in her spine and X-rayed. They found a displaced disk in her neck where she had pointed to the whole time. Comp stopped paying over 6 months ago because two neurologists concluded that she had no physical injuries from the accident and it was purely psychological. We disputed at that time and have preformed tests for the last 6 months, with us taking on a lot of the medical bills. To see one Dr we had to pay him $1500 up front. Anyways, her Comp should definitely be reinstated, plus pay retroactive back to when we contested their decision. So hopefully things won’t be so tight soon.
Later, Ash out…
On the medical front my wife is recuperating finally. At least she finally has diagnoses after a year of torment. She had some medical and psychological issues. I’m pretty sure that I have written about her work related injury in the past here, yet I am too lazy to go back and check. Quick background She had a 20lbs box fall on her head at work. She started having tremors some after the accident. She lately went in and got some pain shots in her neck. Once they took affect they took her off the meds that she was on for the prior year. The tremors soon after stopped. One of the size effects of one of her meds was tremors. She was also diagnosed with posttraumatic stress and clinical depression. After a year with no relief or closure, who would be depressed? And just the other day we got the results back from a test that they preformed. They put some kind of dye in her spine and X-rayed. They found a displaced disk in her neck where she had pointed to the whole time. Comp stopped paying over 6 months ago because two neurologists concluded that she had no physical injuries from the accident and it was purely psychological. We disputed at that time and have preformed tests for the last 6 months, with us taking on a lot of the medical bills. To see one Dr we had to pay him $1500 up front. Anyways, her Comp should definitely be reinstated, plus pay retroactive back to when we contested their decision. So hopefully things won’t be so tight soon.
Later, Ash out…
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