Procrastinator’s Post

Sorry about the downtime with the blog thing. I usually blog at work and I was off on vacation for close to a month. And no, I didn’t do shit; I was just off of work. It was nice.

I have a weird little mood going. Manic – depressive. Well now that I write it, I guess that ain’t too weird; that is what we are. Deep winter is here now. This is always my worst time of the year. Snow banks that I can’t see over. Bitter cold temps. And with my horrible 4 days of 7am-7pm then 4 nights of 7pm-7am schedule, it is never light outside when I am awake. I honestly don’t see the light of day but a few days a week. That is probably the worst thing possible for a Bipolar person. Plus winter is so very long up here in the UP of Michigan. On the flipside I’ve been manic for a month now. The Seroquel is finding it harder and harder to put me to a good night’s rest. I often think that I am not hitting REM sleep and wake up feeling worse than when I went to sleep. Guaranteed If I ran out I wouldn’t sleep much. My mind is constantly turning. I thoughts flood out just about everything. When people talk to me I have to make a conscious effort to pay attention and often that doesn’t help and I have to ask them to start over. My eyes are constantly wide and intense. I find myself dominating conversations and unable to shut-up.

I will say that luckily I haven’t had too much rage that usually wells inside during the manic times. A few days everyone’s voices grated my nerves and I got pissy, but overall I remained calm. I have caught myself at work getting irritated and having to reign in my comments that otherwise would seem crass or even belligerent.

I haven’t had any anxiety attacks since last I blogged and this makes Ash very happy. Man do I hate those.

Work hasn’t been too stressful lately, although I have been gone more than there lately. Not being there usually does wonders for stress levels. LOL.

On the weight scene, I now weigh-in at 173 lbs. I weighed 216 lbs at the start of my diet. That is 43 lbs. I am happy with were I’m at now.

I’m still smoking, but plan to quit for good tomorrow. It is expensive, plus I am sick of the morning cough. I am currently smoking over 2 packs a day. That is how I roll with things; either I don’t do something or I do it to extreme. Tomorrow starts the rest of my life. Hopefully by quitting I don’t get an oral fixation (that didn’t sound right, lol) and start chowing-down. I guess I will have to start chewing more gum.

I have started doing something with my art and fantasy obsession and plan to post pics when I’m complete with my first project. I haven’t played nearly as much poker since I started this project.