Crazy Manic

I plan to actually post some things soon. I was short on funds and had to ration my meds. All over the place. Back on full doses but I have been manic for a good week solid. I'm getting a ton done in a round about way. I start one project or task, then go to grab something, and realize something in that room needs done. I start working there until I leave that room for a sec. So I have 5 or more things going at once. I over analyze and make sure I take multiple supplies to all my jobs on every trip through the house or yard, because god forbid I waste time and energy or eat, drink, or take a break.

Reassessing Society After Being Stereotyped Might Open Eyes

Duality concept of prejudice.  It's wisdom by pain really. You never quite understand prejudice and discrimination until life suddenly drops you into a new category that is dehumanized, stygmatized, and stereotyped. You quicky begin to realize that all of bigotry you learned as a child was needless, baseless, worthless hate. The new smile sheds that old hate as critical thinking leads your path, defying lies and manipulation and hate.

My daughter's Unintended Bipolar Picture

I stole this clip/pic from my daughter's latest music video animation. With her consent obviously. It was from the song Jar of Hearts and didn't represent Bipolar, yet portrayed the wild ride emotions in a love-hate relationship. But to me it represented duality and being Bipolar it hit home. I plan to display it on my profile. Lastly it is a girl yet is ndrogynous enough to be my avatar. I love her anime influenced style.

Unfake

Ultimately life is what you make it
If you're not fake
Then you won't have to fake it
Unashamedly be yourself
Drink the water or the wine, or both, but not messed together, your choice really, there I go all willy-nilly imposing my personal values on your beverage
Be proud with an open mind and anyone that can't accept you for you, very respectfully tell them to fuck off
And go back to your unwatered-down reality

MINDY How I Loved You

My Min-Pin Mindy died at 1:30 pm yesterday. She 11 years old. She was getting old, plus we found out she was diabetic 6 months back. She was skin and bones, yet she ate and drank non-stop. We gave her shots and and adjusted, and her weight and habits fluxed, but she always went back to near emaciation. A month or 2 back she became almost totally blind and start peeing in the house off and on, more towards tha end. But oddly she functioned well, even energetic. The vet seemed to feel that she would be better to be with us and not bad enough to be put down. I won't go into the 3 hrs my wife and I spent with Mindy in the end. We buried her in the back yard. We filmed it and remembered personal relationships with her. I did the ol' dark glasses thing, but they all knew tho they didn't push it. Lastly, we took a trip Lake Superior, gathered those beautiful stones and decorated her plot. For 11 years of love she deserved no less. I loved you Mindy and the way your wagging tail could alleviate some of the darkness in this shitty, hate-feeled, decadent, world of bigotry and sheep.

I am currently experiencing some drastic side effects

Negative side effect 1: ALLERGIC TO SUNLIGHT. I am allergic to over sun exposure. Never have I dealt with this bumpy, itchy rash on my current meds. It is a bumpy rash on my forearms, where I got sunburned. A few years back I was placed on a new drug and due to this same side effect I quit after 4 days in my system. It was 5 x or so worse than my current reaction. That first drug's effect once again mostly limited to my forearms. But my arms had the itchiest rash that was thick leathery bumps and felt toads' skin. It horribly and going outside made it worse. It lasted for to months well after I thought it was permanent. My Dr knew of the possible side effect. He warned that even with not taking the meds I could retain the allergy to sun for life. I would guess 2 years have gone since the origin of the ailment, with last Summer being free, so I figured I was in the clear until a week ago. I will investigate side effects of my and try to narrow the cause.

Negative side effect 2: Impetuosity. My current mental level/regulation or med side effect. I've dealt with the issue off and on in life but on different aspects of impetuousness. My current situation is having a conversation and see what I should say and actually have to fight not to say. The fear is the problem with this issue an the feeling that very mind is messing with and tries to force to with impulse. Hard to define and explain. There usually would be totally uncouth or just would go with tha conversation. Usually a normal member of society would get these same thoughts and the subconscious or non conscience would quickly filter them out. So I have been on guard for a few weeks.

I am sorry for the slow-coming updates but my mood shifts like haphazard stacks of ledgers and scrolls. One must guide me onward for I am lost in a mere black with decisions and fear and hate.

I had a run-in with my former bully dickhead. I wasn't right for days. I must tell this short story, seeing as I was emotional jello and in analytical spazz mode.

Also I blew-up at my parents. I need to document this. She called today. I let it go to voice mail. Funny that we don't have control over who and how we love.

My notebooks aren't in my pockets. My brain is in search-mode. Stagnant. If I don't find a new vice soon I will likely pay the ferryman's toll to a dark episode. What level is the surprise. But better yet I need to find sometime anew, cool, and hopefully lasting.

Amazon last picks:

Mortar and pestle

 Tenacious D new Rize of the Fenix album.