INTERMISSION

I figuered I' d also use my blog to document dates for recall for myself and Dr about issues, stressors, meds, mania, depression, obsessions, feelings, fears, symptoms, etc.

Meds:

* Often I forget to take my morning meds. Sometimes for days. Sometimes I remember but don't feel like taking them. And when I am mentally off I'm not sure if is a problem with meds or me not taking them right.

Procrastination/anxiety/apathy:

* Sometimes I don't bathe for days.

* Often I don't change my clothes for days.

* I average going outside once every week and a half.

* I rarely answer my phone.

* my scraggly beard and hair is more a product of my lack of motivation and less of a statement of my crappy sense of style.

Obsessions:

* Skyrim - Manned some bigtime real hrs since Christmas. Like hundreds!

* Survival - reading, writing, researching, buying, preparing, testing, making videos.

* Bi-polar blogs - reading, writing, researching.

My brain fights to pick one of the three to maniacally digest its ifno until the next sleep.

I keep a pen and pad on me at most times and fill it with everything like new items to obsessions to research, diagrams for equipment or visual help for when I review the info and misc thoughts.

Very manic last week. I put a pen and pad in each hoodie hand pocket. They each had a subject and I paced the house and basement writing in both almost non-stop. I put on my IPod andt old the family to leave me be becaue I wasn't feeling well. I was getting my survival bag ready for a winter test. Next Afternoon I went in the woods with my dog and made a camp with a tarp, a garbage bag, and a small bedroll, in 2' of snow and 20-10*F weather.

Stressors:

*LTD called me and said that they are closing my case because their policy doesn't rate mental and medical disability the same. Under their policy a physical disability exists as long as you are physically disabled, but mental illness has a timelimit no matter if your Dr and government consider you disabied. Typical. Insurance companies are organized criminal syndicates.

Son's Football:

*Getting coach to do his job and lay off the empty promises.

*NCSA - so much to do.

*Football footage and audio viewing has been an obsession off an on.

I feel like a lazy, crazy, dirty, slob that would help my family more if I was gone.