I"m Shit With Money and I Hope I Get Manic Over Rocksmith

Amazon just shipped my latest want/need list item. My wife will likely snap when all my other shopping cart items start showing up in the mail. I thought guys weren't supposed to be shoppers? Honestly how can impulsive/excessive shopping be a real symptom of bipolar, people would ask. I can tell you that it always has been I real problem in my life. My wife has to step in and ask me to calm down or stop spending quite often. I hate to say it, but my wife was appointed my payee by my Psychiatrist. I can't even legally cash my own fucking checks. I am so ashamed. I truly am shit. And just to prove that fact will be 2 weeks of packages showing up on the doorstep to which my wife will likely have to give me "the talk".

Off the top of my head, I ordered:

• Rocksmith (I want to learn guitar + videogame media = mania sandwich with positive benefit)

• 3 different colors of paracord. (survival item, bracelets and whatnot)

• 4 piece firesteel set. (surv item, impulse buy pictured on paracord page)

• 5 piece mini LED keyrings. (surv item, impulse buy pictured on firesteel page)

• Dororo 2 (I think, I hope) dvd (current Samurai/Japanese film obsession)

• Dororo dvd (How can you buy part 2 but not own the original? Thus throw it in the shopping cart!) Now on my shortlist of absolute favorite films. It is English subtitled and although I normally hate reading while watching a movie, this film was worth it. This movie is a masterpiece, compressing multiple genres and classic storylines, and weaving them into an original deeply beautiful fantasy. If you haven't watched it I think most people would love the story even if they aren't into Japanese culture per se. It's on Netflix and I know Amazon has it. lol.

I can't think right now, but I think I ordered 1 or 2 other things.

I did delete the Elton John and Queen double disc Greatest Hits Albums from my order. That was $40 I could see not a adding to my Ipod at the moment or explaining.

I hate losing my right to control my own finances, but I understand. I'll be 37 years old next week and I have to be treated like a baby. I do feel emasculated, less than a man, less than a husband, less than human. But, I am sick and would likely be a penniless hoader, chin-deep in junk, without my loving wife's support.

She often can't take me to the store and walmart is safely an hour away from my magnetic manic fingers. You ever notice when you're shopping, those random items that are just stuffed on the wrong shelf in the totally wrong department. That is my wife sneaking my stuff surreptitiously out of the cart while I'm off on another impromptu cool stuff search. I feel high when I'm in Walmart. I mean who doesn't love movies. And these drug dealers put a thousand dvds priced for $5 in gargantuan tubs all around the store so everyone can get their fix sorting throw mostly junk B-movies. When people start vying for room at the dvd trough and knocking over my shitty pile of zombie cult classics, I just want to jump right in the middle of the box, and play king of the hill of dvds, and bask in their emotions and expressions. I could do this; I'm crazy. I'll tell the cops that it was a social experiment. But in stead I'll get like a box of lego or a lego fantasy d&d-like board game that should have been around before I lost the important part of my imagination. I get it home and the only thing touching it is dust. By proxy I am touching it due to the dust's make-up, which is kind of a gross natural process.

To be honest, I say that a lot, when it comes to mail order, I don't know what I love more, receiving the package or opening the box to get my stuff. Weird really. To add to the mystique, when you buy multiple items, you not only get the rush of mail and your stuff, but also what exact thing that you ordered is in the package that day.

I really should start titling my posts at the end of typing in stead of before my rambling neurons tale their tales.

I doubt she will bitch at me too much because, Hey, It's My Birthday!! Damn, I'm a manipulative bastard. Judge me harshly, I deserve no better.