I called off my T-doc appointment due to a serious head cold. This is the first time I’ve been sick in like 2 years so I can’t really complain too much.
I’m still having a little trouble controlling my rage. I have been getting a little irritated with the kids. Often their voices dig into my brain. I’m a little short here and there, but overall I’m pretty nice. I did scream very loud at Ash-boy last night. He kept shooting me with a toy gun and we were playing. I told him to stop because I was sick of getting shot. I then went into my bedroom and laid down for bed and to watch some TV. He stopped for a few min, but then he kept coming in my room and pointing it in my face and acting like he was going to shoot me in the face. I told him to stop repeatedly to no avail. I then told him I wasn’t playing anymore, but he kept it up. Finally I snapped and screamed very aggressively at him. All I saw was red. I would have thrown something at him if I was holding something at the time. I know I would have. It would have been totally wrong, but I know I would have. So I realize that I still have a long way to go with this insta-rage. I hope that there is a way to quell this problem. I have kept myself from over-reacting and getting angry a few times over the last few days. I want to get mad, but somehow stop from doing it. But this screaming at Ash-boy was different. I had no control and that scares me. There was thinking my way out of it; it was pure anger. I had an anxiety attack when I yelled. It took a few mins for my body to regulate itself.
I have been cheating a little the last few days on the diet. I will have to try harder. Being at home all day on my days off makes it temping because all I have is time and snacks looking at me with there bedroom-eyes. Damn temptresses.
Later, Ash out…
2 comments:
It's very hard to not snap. To avoid snapping at whomever is around and well bothering you. I hate to snap specially to my step-daughter, I tell my bf to take her away 'cause if she keeps doing "whatever" I'm gonna snap at her and I don't want that. It usually works. They go away to the living room to watch tv or to do whatever and they leave me alone until i cool down.
When I wake up in one of my moods, I warn my bf that I'm not feeling up to it, or that I'm feeling "edgy". Once I tell him that he usually tries not to step over my toes. I know it's asking alot from him but then again he has his "days" too and he doesn't have this illness.
I think the best thing is to communicate how you feel on that day. I'm sure that alot of "snapping" and bad times could be avoided. :-)
ive been there.. Many times.. Sometimes I have to walk away or lose it.. completely....
Its okay to cheat every once in awhile!
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