GENESIS

I’m starting this blog to help me cope, analyze, and learn from my disorder. First off, I was diagnosed in August 9th, 2005. I am Bipolar. More precisely, I have Ultra-Rapid-Cycling Bipolar Disorder. I am medicated. The mood swings still occur often, yet usually they aren’t as intense with the medication. Often I have moods of deep introspection. I think this is when I am manic mostly. Well, maybe not, I think also at times I am depressed when I think inwardly. As you can already see, I contradict myself and I’m sure I will continue. I feel and know that my medication suppresses my ability for introspection and insight into what and why I am what I am. Hopefully I still am able to write vivid feelings and accounts of my torment. But the medication also suppresses my anger. So I understand that need it. I will try to write here as much as possible. I am also going to write in a personal notebook, trying to document how I feel from day to day and swing to swing. I will try not to bore you with too much of that, I think. I will slowly start to write about early events and episodes or any thoughts or stories that I might think relevant. I will be very blunt at times. I am a very frank person and I think that is partly due to my illness. I know that I will never get better, but maybe I can learn to live better with it. I am also a psychology major and am currently finishing my first semester. I’m trying every angle to figure this thing out and this, like school, is another tool to help me along this path that is my life. For those that are here to learn, I say thank you. For those that are here for the freakshow, I welcome you also. For anyone with my disorder, I would love to here from you and your opinions. All comments are welcome and will be much appreciated.