Do you ever sound like a total dumbass in a conversion because you lock-up in mid sentence? I do this often. It’s appears to others like a click in my brain or a skipping of a record. I’ll start the sentence or in the middle if making a point, and start stammering shit umm, umm…uhhh, ummm. They look at you like you’re a jackass. The reason I do it is because my mind has already past that part of the conversation and is thinking about my next point, counter-point, rebuttal, how they will take my statement, how to best get my point across to my satisfaction, analyzing temperament, tone, situation as a whole, etc. It’s like an internal chess match. I am already moves ahead of where the conversation is currently at. I am actually overtaxing my brain processes by intellectually asserting my thoughts through analytical problem solving skills, meticulously steering and manipulating the confrontation or conversation, yet I lose the moment and end up sounding like a complete jackass. I am dictating the conversation. I don’t mean to sound conceited here. I’m sure it came off a bit arrogant. But that is what I do and I do it quite often. My thoughts are racing farther ahead than I can verbalize effectively. I truly think this also a part of my bipolar issue. Maybe I just try to blame everything that I don’t like on my illness.
Does anyone else experience anything like this due to excelling thoughts?
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4 comments:
Oh yes, I can relate totally. Exactly like you said - a chess game. You don't sound conceited at all. I think it comes along with being bipolar? We have so many ideas and thoughts coming at us at once. When I'm hypo (I've never been full blown manic), I can hardly get my words out fast enough, and end up skipping whole sections of what I'm trying to say because I've moved on to my next thought. Sounds like you do the same...except at least you have the frame of mind to try to complete your last idea! :-)
Sigh...I've been like that since as long as I can remember. Even back in elementary school. I'm better at forcing myself to slow down...some, but it's excruciating tough when someone is talking for a long time.
I'm glad to see that isn't just me and likely is inherent in our illness. Well, you know how I meant that staement anyway.
Another thing I do when hypo is to zone of with other thoughts and fantasies while ssomeone is taking to me. These things are good for relationships or how people preceive us I sure.
God, we really are left wanting in some areas. When I don't have to interact with other people and my time is my own, I wouldn't give up my hypo mind though, except at bed time that is. LOL.
this happens to me all the time.. Writing down my main idea helps keep me on track sometimes, that and getting my point out first before all of the supplementary info, so then i can ask whoever it is i am talking to, what the hell i was talking about!
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