Funny Story - At Least to Me

Butterfly wrote a post about those spring-loaded pens and some peoples’ annoying habit of constantly clicky-clacking them. That reminded me of a story when I first started out in my supervisor role. I was a Relief Sup at the time and I was hiring a small group of individuals that I would have to work with on a daily basis. And yes I try to not be aloof and critical as I’m judging candidates. I just pick the best person for the job to the best of my abilities. Sound defensive? Good, because I am.

I was an interviewer at my company doing an entry position interview and the interviewee was doing that incessant pen click. He actually held up this pen right in front of his crest above his lap and clicked his pen loudly for the whole interview that lasted around 20 min or so. It was obviously a nervous tick. But man was in driving me nuts.

And speaking of nuts, he was I think, I could actually see it in his eyes. As the interviewing group was progressing and questions are being asked, his application was being passed around. It was passed to me by the other Relief Sup and he gave me a weird look and I started reading it. I am a very immature guy humor wise. Plus I was likely 25 or 26 at the time. (The other Relief is my good friend and we can’t look at each other at times when we both find something funny.) Anyways I was already kind of laughing at this guy’s unstable demeanor and odd answers to the queries. I get to the question that reads – Have you been ever been convicted of a felony in the past 5 years? (This guy wrote – yes. I was convicted of felonious assault with intent to do bodily harm with a pair of scissors. I just got out of prison.) I think a quick cutoff giggle popped out. I could see answering the fucking question, but why add-in the scissors part and the just getting out part. All of a sudden his red-headed dude’s pen-clicking started looking a little menacing, yet I couldn’t stop wanting to laugh. I look over at my friend and we both had to turn away from each others’ gazes or we would have busted out laughing. A few times after that I had to put his application up in front of my face because I had a huge wanting-to-laugh smile on my face. I know it was unprofessional, but I’m telling you I just couldn’t stop myself. I straighten myself mentally for a sec and start reading again. It comes to my turn to ask a question. (Everyone is asked the same exact questions to keep cohesion amongst participants.)

“What if you were on the Finish End and noticed your Supervisor was not wearing his earplugs. This was the very loud place that you walked through on your tour. What would you do?”

This dude says, “I would go up to him and forcefully suggest that he put in his earplugs.” My clipboard goes up in front of my face again, up to my eyeballs, my hyper-smile hidden from him. I didn’t want to piss-off this red-headed firecracker. (All I can image is this dude coming up to me and putting scissors to my neck and saying, “I would highly suggest that you place your hearing protection in your ears. It is for your own safety. Hurry up mother fucker. I will rape you in your ass. Hurry up.” I know, I’m retarded. I am so immature. I truly can’t help myself.)

I straightened up again and lowered the clipboard. I start reading his app again. It gets to references. He only had one and where it asked for contact info, he wrote deceased. I lose it again and up goes the clipboard again to my eyeballs and my body shook with uncontrollable silent laughter. Who the fuck would give a dead man as a reference? What? Do we have to have a fucking séance to talk to his reference? (I go right back to my mental imagery – him holding scissors up to some old man’s neck and telling him to write the letter. “Hurry up motherfucker, I will rape you in your ass.” And then at the end of the letter the last word scrawls off down the page as he dies. I have a very morbid sense of humor, I know.) It was obvious that this guy wasn’t right. Good thing that the session ended right about then because I never lowered my clipboard again. I shook this guy’s hand reaching over the table as I held my clipboard up with my other hand.

I got reprimanded pretty sternly. My friend and I were not allowed to ever interview at the same time again. But looking back, it was worth the memory.